Notice Tension

Most of us sit with other people in an acute state of unawareness. Whether it is individuals, small groups or large gatherings people who come to gather are constantly giving off signals about how they feel. They give off a steady flow of information on how they feel about you, about the place they are in or their reasons for being present.

Most of us get caught up in our own feelings about being present with others and fail to pay attention to what is happening around us. What is most interesting about this is that our own feelings are frequently a direct result of experiencing the feelings of those around us.

Feelings and emotions are a form of energy and expression that are capable of being transmitted between individuals or through groups. We really are senders and receivers of vast amounts of information.

Once sitting in a group of people I noticed myself becoming extremely agitated and uncomfortable. No words were being spoken; no images were being shown members of the group simply sat in their chairs. As I looked around the group I noticed that other people were beginning to fidget and I felt a tension between members beginning to rise, as I noticed this tension rising in others I felt it leaving me. Soon this group exploded into emotional statements that were suspicious and accusing. Generally the most agitated members of the group spoke of others using the extended period of silence to manipulate them.

I was riveted, immediately I sensed that the vacuum created by the silence was quickly being filled by what the others were holding inside themselves. The silence became a blank screen on which others projected their fear and anger.

I thought about this experience for a long time and spoke to a group facilitator that I knew who seemed to understand group dynamics fairly well. I asked her what had happened in this situation. She wasn’t particularly interested in what the group had done, she said simply that silence is a powerful intervention that people often mistake for “dead air”. She said that people tend to believe that nothing is happening in periods of silence and that they couldn’t be more wrong. Everything she said happens in silence, every thought every action every idea comes from the silence within us all. In protracted periods of silence people wrestle their own demons and face parts of themselves that are often unpleasant. This she said happens all the time.

What she noted as unusual was my noticing the tension that had taken place. She pointed out that all the intellect contained within my brain actually sits on top of a 180-pound antenna array known as my body. My problem she said was the disconnection that I had developed between my mind and my body that prevented me, and most others from receiving and accurately interpreting the information that my body was sending me. My body got this information from the surroundings that it inhabited and transmitted it to my brain. Something happened she said that opened the pathways between my head and my heart allowing important information to be understood.

She was quick to point out that by noticing the tension I was able to rise above the emotions that were snaring and snagging other people. This she said was essential to my understanding group dynamics and how people could or could not choose to pull together.

Transcending our own feelings when we are in groups can occur when we notice the tension and emotional state of other people. Transcending our own feelings may be precisely what is required if we are to make a difference in how we are in relationships to others.

So the next time you are in a meeting or group, check it out, see what you are feeling, and notice what others are doing. Its illuminating.